I want to tell you about everything that happens and the funny stories of my day to day or that I’ve been sick (am sick), millions of things but I can’t anymore because I don’t want to t scare you away. These things are intimate things, I want to tell you about the things that make me tick, that make me excited, things that scare me but I’m afraid to scare you away. I want to sit down with you and share a beer and pretzels again and tell you about my day and hear about your day. I want…
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I was talking to a friend last night and he said he didn’t understand why a man would ghost a woman that would give him everything, I don’t know either, I really don’t know what I did wrong, why he would abandon a friendship and a partnership. I had an awesome dream last night, it was wonderful, he chose me in the dream, he stood up for me and then I woke up, knowing that it may never happen. it’s been lingering in my head all day and threw me into bit of a depression, I’ve been really tired all…
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She often wondered if you could see the sadness in her eyes the glimpses of disappointment in what she thought was When she said she was good she didn’t want you to know that her heart was still broken that she was anything but good but she needed to remain stoic in the circumstance she really wanted to come in catch up with you but she left without a word she no longer trusted anyone with her vulnerability no one needed to see her cry she would cry alone later the tears would flow like rain until she calmed herself…
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how do I go back to not talking to anyone? It’s hard to sit hear alone with my thoughts when you know no one wants to talk to me anymore, no one was ever really my friend and no one wants to hear what I am thinking or how I am feeling. the sheer nothingness of it all. I know that in nothingness, there is everything, an energy in absolute potential but potential for what? That the ending is the beginning but again the beginning of what? I know that we are all made of energy and that we are…
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just swirling probably down a drain but what the hell might as well get it out of my head. There is something wrong with me, I can’t quite figure out why no one wants to stay, they will date me for a year, some will even fuck me but they never stay, not one in the last 30 years, I’m never the one they choose, I always seem to be an option in case the one they choose doesn’t work out. I could probably ask a few of them why I was the second choice, still in contact with some…
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I admit I was pretty fucking hurt and pissed off the coward’s way out is to ghost someone and not have the balls to communicate what’s going on when you finally did respond, you were fucking rude that about broke me the way you sounded like you never cared that you never said “I love you”, that we were never friends if it helps you sleep at night to pretend we were nothing more than business associates go for it but I know, our mutual friends know, and your mom knew that we were something more because everyone could see…
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I don’t hate him. I will always love him but if I see him again anywhere like at the gym (we belong to the same gym) or the store or at a restaurant (we live 5 minutes from each other) or at the office (we still have mutual clients) and now that I know that he exists out there in the world, I will probably run into him but I most likely will do my best to just walk past him like he never existed because it will be way too hard to look at him in the eye and…
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I wanted to get high today, I’ve been clean for 18 years and today I just wanted to do a line. I wanted to forget he ever existed, I wanted to forget about everything. For the first time in a long time, I curled up in the closet with my blankets and wanted to be as small as possible, melt back into myself and the one person I wanted to comfort me is a coward and doesn’t want anything to do with me. Let me just dissect that email I got back after telling him I loved him and asking…
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feeling off the last couple of days, sleeping way too much, I couldn’t figure out what it was, I was kind of numb yesterday. I got stuff done – waxing, new hair color but someone asked me how 2020 was for me and I said nothing really happened, did I finally bury it deep enough that I just am numb to the fact that i am so fucking hurt that I just don’t care anymore? Because in reality, 2020 was amazing and fun, I was finally seen for the first time, the real me, I fell in-love and it was…
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know it hurts, I know this is going to be hard to having him here this week, knowing that you are emotionally cutting him out of your life. I know… You can’t let him see it, you can’t let him know… You need to get it all out of your system, cry when he’s gone, not while he’s here. Put on a smile! Keep busy! And don’t you dare let your family know anything is wrong You need to heal and grieve, as long as it takes but don’t disappear from the world this time. I know it hurts.. I…