I don’t feel beautiful, I hate my hair, I am a fat woman who smokes too much – why the hell would anyone want to be with me anyways, I get it. I can’t imagine why anyone would think I was beautiful and think he was lucky to have me, I never really knew how to respond to that when he said it, so yea, I see why he’s not interested in me anymore. I don’t think I’m ugly but I sure as hell don’t feel beautiful anymore. Even my other so-called friends told me I was fat and I needed to do something about it and they are right, I do. I wish my foot was healed so I could start exercising again, I want to lose this weight, I want to quit smoking, I want to feel beautiful again but you know the first thing I can do – shave my damn head. The only reason I was growing it out was because I thought maybe he wanted someone with longer hair but you know what, he rejected me over and over and over again, so why the hell am I doing something for him? He no longer sees me as beautiful and I agree, I’m not.
**maybe it’s the medicine I’m taking making me feel more depressed, i hate feeling so damn tired and sick all day long, I want to get up and do something, go for a bike ride, something, anything, I want to start to lose this weight, not for him, not for anyone but myself so maybe one day, I can feel beautiful again!