I have to keep reminding myself that you’re never coming back into my life 🙁 . That you at some point decided that you were no longer my friend, maybe I scared you, wouldn’t be the first person to walk away from me, probably won’t be the last. I tried to grow my hair out thinking maybe you wanted a woman with long hair but you know what, I can not stand that in between stage of growing my hair out, I feel like a troll doll, so I shaved it again tonight because what the fuck is wrong with me…
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Real love takes time to root and grow, a lot like plants. I ran across a plant thing that I think you would absolutely adore because when you are nervous you talk about random plants and their latin names which I have always found incredibly adorable about you, one of the many reasons I love you. I keep thinking of whom I feel in love with and it’s most definitely not the persona that you let the world see, I fell for this man that gets nervous in situations and talks about latin plant names, has an inner vulnerably that…
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wow, what a bitch! I actually called to see how she was doing, I knew she had been sick and it had been a couple of weeks since we talked. I was really busy and didn’t have time to talk for hours but I thought I’d check in. I was telling her what I had been up to lately and she told me about what she had been doing but the wow part, is when I told her about the latest weirdness with someone and she cut me off with “why do you tell me about him, you know how…
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Tonight I learned that I wasn’t invited to a wedding that I was told about for weeks, they needed help planning it and finding a venue and of course, thinking that they were my friends, I offered advice and helped out where I could and now I realized I am not part of their inner circle, probably never was, still outside, looking in, hoping to be part of a group, I’m not even sure I want to continue doing block parties when we can, what’s the fucking point, they don’t really see me as a friend or part of their…
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sound energy, particularly bells, gets rid of negative energy. That’s what wind chimes are for in your garden, to create a calm space. This explains so much about all her wind chimes and bells she had around the house
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I wish you had trusted me enough to meet your cats
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She often wondered if you could see the sadness in her eyes the glimpses of disappointment in what she thought was When she said she was good she didn’t want you to know that her heart was still broken that she was anything but good but she needed to remain stoic in the circumstance she really wanted to come in catch up with you but she left without a word she no longer trusted anyone with her vulnerability no one needed to see her cry she would cry alone later the tears would flow like rain until she calmed herself…
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how do I go back to not talking to anyone? It’s hard to sit hear alone with my thoughts when you know no one wants to talk to me anymore, no one was ever really my friend and no one wants to hear what I am thinking or how I am feeling. the sheer nothingness of it all. I know that in nothingness, there is everything, an energy in absolute potential but potential for what? That the ending is the beginning but again the beginning of what? I know that we are all made of energy and that we are…
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the first time we went out to lunch alone, this funny handsome man was sitting across from me and I was nervous because I wasn’t sure what to expect and I didn’t want to seem weird but I absolutely love lots of butter on my bread and then you took the packet of butter and spread the whole thing on a slice of bread and I thought to myself, omg, he’s just like me. Just be yourself, stop pretending you are something you are not, use all the butter and put in on a slice of bread. The more we…
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