Now that I know what I don’t want in a relationship, I don’t want a man that constantly mansplains, that informs me of what I like and don’t like, that tries to gas light me, can not take “No” for an answer, that goes to hang out with me and would rather watch the “game” then have a conversation, that does not respect what I do for a living….
what do I want in a relationship with him?
I want to tell to tell him the truth, that I’m in-love with him, have been for a while and that I want to date him for real but I am super scared if I tell him the truth, he will break my heart all over again and run away again and this time I won’t bounce back from it this time. I’m just really tired of pretending that we are just friends and never letting him see the real truth because honestly every time I think about it, it makes me sad, tears in my eyes, sad. So I wait and keep waiting for him to get a clue that he has a woman that is very interested in him, that absolutely loves hanging out with him and just talking about our days, our work, random things that make up who we are in this world.
I want a man that respects that even though I have a full-time busy job and its right now it’s a super busy time for me, that I make time for him and vice versa, I know he has a super demanding job and he doesn’t always have time for other things but he makes time to hang out with me if just for a drink (in hindsight, I really need to tell him that I appreciate him).
I want someone that will include me in his life even if that means we sit side by side not saying a word but doing our own thing because we are comfortable enough in each other’s presence to be silent.
I want someone that will hold me, cuddle me at night does not have to be every night but once in a while. Sex would be awesome too (once a week would be nice but let’s be honest, while sex is awesome, it’s not everything, I have toys, I’m all good in that aspect and it’s been 3 years without).
I want a man that can understand complex thought processes and that can have a conversation with me about deep things and that respects my boundaries.
I want a man that looks at me and thinks, I am the most beautiful person he’s ever met and thinks he’s lucky to have found someone like me.
I want a man that can blurt out random things that he’s been thinking about but couldn’t figure out how to tell me, that makes me smile and love him even more. I wish I could tell him all this, that he makes my heart skip a beat every time I see his eyes light up.
I want a man that I can be honest with, someone I can tell him everything and anything without the fear that if I tell him the truth he won’t ghost me me again and run away from me and break my heart.