I want to tell you about everything that happens and the funny stories of my day to day or that I’ve been sick (am sick), millions of things but I can’t anymore because I don’t want to t scare you away. These things are intimate things, I want to tell you about the things that make me tick, that make me excited, things that scare me but I’m afraid to scare you away. I want to sit down with you and share a beer and pretzels again and tell you about my day and hear about your day. I want…
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Pain does change people A broken heart does change you But it’s up to you to decide what to do with that pain I wonder if you knew the real me not the surface stuff but the really deep shit that goes on in my brain would you understand I am more like you than you know some days I think I’m quite ugly and I understand why no one would want to love me I can’t fathom why anyone would think I was beautiful I want to be able to trust you to let you in on that world…
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I was talking to a friend last night and he said he didn’t understand why a man would ghost a woman that would give him everything, I don’t know either, I really don’t know what I did wrong, why he would abandon a friendship and a partnership. I had an awesome dream last night, it was wonderful, he chose me in the dream, he stood up for me and then I woke up, knowing that it may never happen. it’s been lingering in my head all day and threw me into bit of a depression, I’ve been really tired all…
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weird dream, can’t quite shake it... a bee landed on my head and whispered in my ear, I’m not here to hurt you, I’m here to invited you to a party, a celebration of life of our mom. And this little bee whose name was Shady because she liked to fly around in the shade and gather her daily workload, she didn’t care much for the hot sun unless she was skimming along a pool to help cool off her little feet. She told me that it was very very important that I attended this party and that no one…
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I have to keep reminding myself that you’re never coming back into my life 🙁 . That you at some point decided that you were no longer my friend, maybe I scared you, wouldn’t be the first person to walk away from me, probably won’t be the last. I tried to grow my hair out thinking maybe you wanted a woman with long hair but you know what, I can not stand that in between stage of growing my hair out, I feel like a troll doll, so I shaved it again tonight because what the fuck is wrong with me…
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Real love takes time to root and grow, a lot like plants. I ran across a plant thing that I think you would absolutely adore because when you are nervous you talk about random plants and their latin names which I have always found incredibly adorable about you, one of the many reasons I love you. I keep thinking of whom I feel in love with and it’s most definitely not the persona that you let the world see, I fell for this man that gets nervous in situations and talks about latin plant names, has an inner vulnerably that…
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he told me not to go to law school because it would change me, I don’t know about that, could it change me worse than a broken heart and being ghosted? That’s changed me, it’s changed how I see the world, it’s changed who I trust, it’s changed how I see him. I never thought he would do that to me! I never ever would have believed that when he said he loved me that he would just silently walk out of my life without so much as a glance back, without a care about how it would affect me.…